Session 8 ... we are now closer to the end. But for me, this will be a journey to remember, a journey to cherish!
This was by far the most interesting session in #GlobalConversations. Now wonder we overshot time and continued to discuss until our enthused spirits permitted us. While the focus of the session was on violence and its varying manifestations, the primary point of debate was a question on whether 'men too are victims of patriarchy?" Not surprisingly, we agreed to disagree. Precisely, why we are conversing.
In whatever limited understanding I have developed about peace, it has been reiterated that one cannot understand the dynamics of peace without delving deeper into the phenomena of 'conflict' and 'violence'. The dichotomous tendencies associated with the two terms ensure that while we embrace peace, we detest violence. While there are negative, undesirable values associated with the philosophy and actions that condone violence, I get uncomfortable when I am told that total eradication of violence is what human race should aim for. Apart from being an ideal state of affairs, what one needs to question is whether this is actually desirable. Violence definitely does have disastrous effects as it leads to loss of life and property, nature and its creation. But violence is essential for the progress of human race. It has over times led to evolution of the human kind. The existence of unjust systems and practices cannot be denied. It is a reality that one encounters each day. At times, when there are few options left, it is violence that has helped to overturn these structures and ensure that liberty, equality and rights remain firm. Violence must not be examined from the spectrum of 'good' or 'bad', since these water-tight compartments aren't really going to help us to attain peace. At times, violence is good, it is the only choice that one is left with, and its eventual consequences turn out to be positive and life-changing. We have occupied a cycle of evolution in which we are bound to confront ills, wrongs. That is where human beings face a challenge. They are presented with a choice - to pick either violent means, or to choose peaceful ones. I believe it is unfair to judge which of these means is more forthright and moral, since the context and circumstances of putting this to use is inevitable when explaining our choice.
When a woman or a man faces domestic abuse, she/he may choose to react violently owing to several factors such as anger, frustration, fear. In cases of sexual harassment on streets, what choice is one left with, if one is overpowered by the assaulter. Thus, there are no clear boundaries to be drawn as the lines of distinction disappear when one is left to make a choice. This choice is better left to the individual and her/his circumstances. I have seen women suffering violence and then emerging as victorious in life. Facing violence at the hands of their near and dear ones, they realized that they did not deserve this. Violence provided the much needed impetus to take a decision that led to self-worth and dignity. In such cases, violence provided the push towards a peaceful and dignified life. This obviously does not mean that violence has to be endorsed. It should always be avoided and be considered as a last resort. Don't we do that in our everyday negotiations with life? Faced with any problem, we make attempts to resolve it with peace and resilience, failing which people have a tendency to take to violence.
For me, choosing peace over violence has not come naturally. In a previous post, written on this very blog, I have been candid to admit that peaceful behaviour is indeed demanding and requires much moral courage. This then cannot be an excuse to resort to violence. In everyday interactions with people who come from a platform of different world views, I have often experienced anger and frustration which has led me to 'thinking violently'. I have then consciously chosen to control my emotions, talk to myself, reassuring my own self that a disagreement is fine, and even if the person remains totally on the wrong, I have told myself to continue to be friendly and move on. Nevertheless, this has at times led to immense frustration wherein my brain tells me that I should resort to some kind of violence, whereas my heart tells me to adopt a more peaceful approach.
What works best for me is when I turn violent (I am quite sure about not hitting any one, but verbal violence is a possibility), I'd like to shut myself off from everyone around me, isolate myself, move to a corner, give myself some breathing space and talk ... assure that things are fine, or will eventually be fine. In another conscious attempt, I try to think about the disastrous consequences of what will happen if a violent reaction were to emanate from my end. It would aggravate an already spoiled situation and in turn affect relationships. One way of consciously choosing peace over any kind of violence is to introspect past actions and see and decide for oneself, the kind of consequences violence leads to. That will help make a sane/rationale choice.
I want to end with a mundane example. These days road rage is a common occurrence in India. You often can see people getting off their vehicles to trash the other person, either physically or verbally, arguing and counter-arguing over who was in the right lane and who wasn't, who was driving properly and who wasn't. This often has led to cases of road rage, with people ready to kill the other person for a perceived fault. While driving, I realized that I was not indulging in physical violence but was emitting a lot of negative emotions, energy directed towards people I thought were bad at driving and lacked basic traffic sense. At times, stopping in the middle of the road, I have abused the offender to attain a level of gratification, only to be consumed with hatred for the next hour. This wasn't helping me of course. I then decided to switch gears, choosing to not react at all or react with a smile. These days, I don't rue that people have a poor sense of traffic. Instead, I smile at them and let them proceed first understanding that are experiencing a greater sense of hurry and urgency than I am. At the end of the day, on the roads, with my vehicle, I feel peaceful and happier as I drive my way to my destination.
This was by far the most interesting session in #GlobalConversations. Now wonder we overshot time and continued to discuss until our enthused spirits permitted us. While the focus of the session was on violence and its varying manifestations, the primary point of debate was a question on whether 'men too are victims of patriarchy?" Not surprisingly, we agreed to disagree. Precisely, why we are conversing.
In whatever limited understanding I have developed about peace, it has been reiterated that one cannot understand the dynamics of peace without delving deeper into the phenomena of 'conflict' and 'violence'. The dichotomous tendencies associated with the two terms ensure that while we embrace peace, we detest violence. While there are negative, undesirable values associated with the philosophy and actions that condone violence, I get uncomfortable when I am told that total eradication of violence is what human race should aim for. Apart from being an ideal state of affairs, what one needs to question is whether this is actually desirable. Violence definitely does have disastrous effects as it leads to loss of life and property, nature and its creation. But violence is essential for the progress of human race. It has over times led to evolution of the human kind. The existence of unjust systems and practices cannot be denied. It is a reality that one encounters each day. At times, when there are few options left, it is violence that has helped to overturn these structures and ensure that liberty, equality and rights remain firm. Violence must not be examined from the spectrum of 'good' or 'bad', since these water-tight compartments aren't really going to help us to attain peace. At times, violence is good, it is the only choice that one is left with, and its eventual consequences turn out to be positive and life-changing. We have occupied a cycle of evolution in which we are bound to confront ills, wrongs. That is where human beings face a challenge. They are presented with a choice - to pick either violent means, or to choose peaceful ones. I believe it is unfair to judge which of these means is more forthright and moral, since the context and circumstances of putting this to use is inevitable when explaining our choice.
When a woman or a man faces domestic abuse, she/he may choose to react violently owing to several factors such as anger, frustration, fear. In cases of sexual harassment on streets, what choice is one left with, if one is overpowered by the assaulter. Thus, there are no clear boundaries to be drawn as the lines of distinction disappear when one is left to make a choice. This choice is better left to the individual and her/his circumstances. I have seen women suffering violence and then emerging as victorious in life. Facing violence at the hands of their near and dear ones, they realized that they did not deserve this. Violence provided the much needed impetus to take a decision that led to self-worth and dignity. In such cases, violence provided the push towards a peaceful and dignified life. This obviously does not mean that violence has to be endorsed. It should always be avoided and be considered as a last resort. Don't we do that in our everyday negotiations with life? Faced with any problem, we make attempts to resolve it with peace and resilience, failing which people have a tendency to take to violence.
For me, choosing peace over violence has not come naturally. In a previous post, written on this very blog, I have been candid to admit that peaceful behaviour is indeed demanding and requires much moral courage. This then cannot be an excuse to resort to violence. In everyday interactions with people who come from a platform of different world views, I have often experienced anger and frustration which has led me to 'thinking violently'. I have then consciously chosen to control my emotions, talk to myself, reassuring my own self that a disagreement is fine, and even if the person remains totally on the wrong, I have told myself to continue to be friendly and move on. Nevertheless, this has at times led to immense frustration wherein my brain tells me that I should resort to some kind of violence, whereas my heart tells me to adopt a more peaceful approach.
What works best for me is when I turn violent (I am quite sure about not hitting any one, but verbal violence is a possibility), I'd like to shut myself off from everyone around me, isolate myself, move to a corner, give myself some breathing space and talk ... assure that things are fine, or will eventually be fine. In another conscious attempt, I try to think about the disastrous consequences of what will happen if a violent reaction were to emanate from my end. It would aggravate an already spoiled situation and in turn affect relationships. One way of consciously choosing peace over any kind of violence is to introspect past actions and see and decide for oneself, the kind of consequences violence leads to. That will help make a sane/rationale choice.
I want to end with a mundane example. These days road rage is a common occurrence in India. You often can see people getting off their vehicles to trash the other person, either physically or verbally, arguing and counter-arguing over who was in the right lane and who wasn't, who was driving properly and who wasn't. This often has led to cases of road rage, with people ready to kill the other person for a perceived fault. While driving, I realized that I was not indulging in physical violence but was emitting a lot of negative emotions, energy directed towards people I thought were bad at driving and lacked basic traffic sense. At times, stopping in the middle of the road, I have abused the offender to attain a level of gratification, only to be consumed with hatred for the next hour. This wasn't helping me of course. I then decided to switch gears, choosing to not react at all or react with a smile. These days, I don't rue that people have a poor sense of traffic. Instead, I smile at them and let them proceed first understanding that are experiencing a greater sense of hurry and urgency than I am. At the end of the day, on the roads, with my vehicle, I feel peaceful and happier as I drive my way to my destination.
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