The road less traveled

I have never shared this story. That is why it becomes important to tell it now. I experience no hesitation in recounting this very personal account to a bunch of supposed strangers because all of you in Team Hope, by now, for me, are close friends. In fact, it is like a catharsis of emotions for me since this story lies deep inside me for a long time. This is my story! And this is my sister's story. My sister is special for me. And many have asked why? Because sisters are always special! Mine is more special because she has been an adopted child for my parents. Our bond may not be a real bond in the sense of being of the same blood, but it is a bond that I will cherish and preserve for times to come.

My Family

The story is thus ... I must have been in Class 7 or 8 when my mother expressed her desire to adopt a girl child. She had this desire for having a second child but somehow this was left unfulfilled. She wanted to adopt a girl. For someone, as young as I was in that age, this was shocking. I could not fathom why my mother wanted to do so. She had me and I had her. I had always been a single child, had enjoyed the privileges and attentions of being one. I was extremely uncomfortable to the idea of sharing my own space, my belongings, and most importantly my parents' love with an outsider, a stranger. She was not one of my own. How on earth could I accept her? I remember turning extremely defiant and not supporting my mother in her decision. I knew she would be hurt. But then I had become selfish for I could not imagine this intrusion in a life that had been so fulfilling and well-guarded. I kept thinking about how I would face my friends, how life would change, how would I face my friends. What would I tell them? That she is my sister and what would they think about a sister suddenly cropping up for me when they all knew I was the only child. I reclined into a self-created space of denial, insecurity, jealousy and my mother was well aware of this. Today, when I think about all of this, I am pained at the fact that I hurt her so much. But then I was myself a child then, bereft of an understanding of complicated issues like bringing an adopted girl child into one's home.

Gradually, I gave in! Sort of succumbed and surrendered to the wishes of my other. I welcomed this shy, little, reclusive and soft girl called Rohini into our home. Initially, it was a bit difficult to adjust to the presence of another person in my life. Little things that ideally should not have mattered started affecting me ... like sharing space, things and most importantly the love of my parents, for whom I was the center of attraction till she came. With time, I began to enjoy Rohini's presence which made me feel like I now had the sister I always wanted. I began spending more time with her, talking to her and she also started to open up. She came from a troubled and deprived background and craved for love. I could sense that she was happy to be with us even though she spoke really less. She still is a lady of few words. In all these years, she has grown to be my best friend. I care for her like any sister would and today we can talk for hours together, we rely on each other and share every little secret. We are like partners in crime! I have seen her transform from a shy, silent, introvert person to a confident, outspoken, brave young girl whom I feel proud to call my sister. There are many who express surprise when they learn that we are not real sisters. To them, I say, she is a special child for the family. She brought to us what money, luxury and comforts of all manner could not have brought. She brought for us profound gratitude, love, warmth, care, affection and the feeling of belonging. Only a special person can do this. One who is God's most loved child. She is indeed and I keep telling her that she is special to me. The two of us standing together, it will be difficult for anyone to make out that we are not real siblings. But it can't be as real as this ... our bond will only get closer and stronger.

The time when my parents decided to go ahead with this unconventional decision to this day when I see a smile on their faces when they see us together, I realize that it must have been equally difficult for them to face constant questions from family, society, relatives, acquaintances with regard to the step that they took. There must have been people who would have strongly advised them against this step, a few must have discouraged. They also must have faced taunts about wanting to adopt a girl child and not a boy. I cannot stretch my imagination as to how, given the time and the traditional set up that they came from, they took this bold step because it is what their heart told them to follow. How difficult would it have been for them to convince me, to answer my questions, to overcome the guilt that I put them through, even so unknowingly. It must have been a tough call. Yet, today they stand out as winners, as proud parents of two daughters. In the process, they never burdened either me or my sister with their expectations, while giving complete freedom to us to travel the path we chose for ourselves. They stand besides us in thick and thin, and somewhere, even as a married woman now, I know they will stand by me whenever I call out to them. To me, theirs is a story of inspiration for they took the road less traveled.

Nationalism and Extreme Patriotism: A Threat to Global Peace

"Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind."~ Albert Einstein

An American patriot is rumored to have once said, "My country, right or wrong, I stand by it." 

While it is arguably a very noble trait to stand up for and support your own country, is deriding another country the way to go about doing it? Was Patriotism really meant to be what we see nowadays? Or has it now been converted into a twisted self-centered propaganda mechanism? Is Nationalism merely is a belief, creed or political ideology that involves an individual identifying with, or becoming attached to, one's nation? Or is it an extreme form of patriotism marked by a feeling of unjustified superiority over other countries?

In the current modern World, Patriotism to the masses is about supporting their country, even when the country is in the wrong. It is about abusing and their "enemies", even when they are suffering. It is about considering themselves morally superior. Why? Just cause it is THEIR country.

The current scenario in Syria provides a proper example. The continuous US-led bombing has killed hundreds of innocents, who were already suffering at the hands of the ISIS. The beautiful and ancient cities have been reduced to rubble. And yet major public opinion in the US is with the Government carrying out more air strikes.   Why? Cause the Government considers the Syrian Government and ISIS as enemies and it is the duty of US citizens to support their Governments wars against the enemies. Innocent lives are merely collateral damage for them. Very often while fighting against something wrong, unknowingly we become what we were fighting against. In India, has Patriotism been reduced to merely supporting our Cricket team during the World Cup and insulting countries like Pakistan and Bangladesh whenever we get a chance?

For an Indian to be patriotic, does he really need to abuse Pakistan and hate Pakistanis? Do we really need to treat people Bangladesh, Nepal, and Bhutan as if they are below us? The moment we say that we are better than them cause this is my country and I will support it to the death, we are throwing logic and reasoning out of the window. And that is the first step to extremism. History is the proof that whenever someone considered their country superior than the others around them, it did not end well for the entire world. Be it Hitler, Napoleon or the English East India Company.

I know a lot of those reading this will argue that all other countries are guilty of doing the same, and they are right! Every country does this while preaching of world peace on the other hand. For the world to be at Peace no country should consider itself morally superior, cause we are all suffering together.

The reason there is so much hatred in our sub-continent is that from the very young age children in India are told that we are better than Pakistan. Similarly, children in Pakistan are manipulated the same way. They are taught to blame India for every minor fault. We are taught to ridicule them and taunt them for everything. In general opinion of India, Pakistan is a barren wasteland of people who only worship God and get trained as a terrorist. Similarly, people in Pakistan might consider India as a bully big brother which wants it destroyed. What either side keep forgetting is that both Pakistan and India are a beautiful part of the very same land. It was all part of the same country once, and the very same world. We ridicule Bangladesh when immigrants cross over to India and refer to them as refugees and consider them as people living on India's mercy. We criticize Sri Lanka, even when Indian fishermen get caught after violating International Maritime Laws. Why? Just cause we should support our country, even when they are wrong?  What we do not understand, is for one to be a proud Indian, hating Pakistan is NOT an essential criterion. Just as to be a proud Hindu, you need NOT hate Muslims or Christians and vice versa.  You can love your country. Doesn't mean you have to hate others.

There is also a huge difference in being an anti-national and ant-Government. Everyone who speaks out against the Government is NOT a terrorist. History is proof that those who oppose their Governments may also be the true patriots. It is the duty of a real patriot, to not only love its country but to also stand up and speak when its Country is doing something wrong.

Extremist Patriotism is to blame behind all hindered peace processes. It is our belief that by insulting and abusing another country, we are actually showing our Patriotism. That does NOT show our Patriotism. It merely incites hatred towards the other Countries and encourages an irrational sense of superiority.  Only through honest dialogue can peace be achieved.

I am not against being proud of our culture and heritage and rich history. I am against anyone considering that their culture and heritage is better than someone else's.

A major problem with India-Pakistan relations has always been the fact that both sides care too much about what was their past and too little about what we can achieve together in the future. 

Dialogue as a Key Driver of Peace

One of the key drivers of peace is DIALOGUE. So, what is a dialogue? Of course, etymologically, dialogue can be in contrast against monologue, which a one-way of communication. Thus, 'dialogue' can be defined as a two-way of communication of two more parties, in which listening and speaking or receiving and giving activities are well-balancedly put. Furthermore, it implies other qualities such as equality, understanding, empathy, patience, etc.

Let's see a more sophisticated and enlightening definitions by some experts.

“A dialogue is very important. It is a form of communication in which question and answer continue till a question is left without an answer. Thus the question is suspended between the two persons involved in this answer and question. It is like a bud with untouched blossoms . . . If the question is left totally untouched by thought, it then has its own answer because the questioner and answerer, as persons, have disappeared. This is a form of dialogue in which investigation reaches a certain point of intensity and depth, which then has a quality that thought can never reach.”
- Jiddu Krishnamurti

"Critical and liberating dialogue, which presupposes action, must be carried on with the oppressed at whatever the stage of their struggle for liberation." - Paulo Freire

“No peace among the nations
without peace among the religions.

No peace among the religions
without dialogue between the religions

No dialogue between the religions
without investigation of the foundation of the religions.”
- Hans Küng

“Our ability to offer empathy can allow us to stay vulnerable, defuse potential violence, help us hear the word 'no' without taking it as a rejection, revive lifeless conversation, and even hear the feelings and needs expressed through silence.” - Marshall B. Rosenberg

Those are some of my favorite quotes on dialogue. From a more contemporary figures, the quotes are also very interesting.

“I watch silent movies on mute. But only for the dialogue.”
- Jarod Kintz, A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

“Perception can be one-sided or variant: "Glass half empty or half full." There usually is more than one way of perceiving. Thoroughly check your inner dialogue.”
- T.F. Hodge, From Within I Rise: Spiritual Triumph Over Death and Conscious Encounters with "The Divine Presence"

Dialogue itself is a the heart of my work, related to build peace, transform conflict and establish a sustainable intercultural & interfaith dialogue. Then, how dialogue can be achieved through my work. While dialogue itself can be perceived as a goal, it is also a tool to reach a bigger mission. Some qualities of a (good) dialogue, mentioned above, definitely the prerequisites needed. Equality, understanding, empathy, patience, compassion, honesty, and openness are some of those. Indeed, there are also some more technical qualities, such as active listening skills. However, I believe a dialogue does not only a conversation with others. Rather than that, a dialogue is a more continuous conversation with one self. The question, then, do we have a dialogue with our inner self?

Share your own story (OR) share an inspirational person’s story that has changed your way of thinking or has inspired you.

Actionable Empathy

Week Two of the Building Peace Project saw the Team Hope having candid yet heartwarming discussions about Peace and what it means to us, both on a micro and macro level. Kirthi Di also had us discussing the key drivers of Peace, namely Empathy, Mutual Respect, Gender Equality, Religious Tolerance and International Cooperation. She encouraged us to ruminate about the same and jot down how any one particular driver of Peace can be developed in the course of our work.

Only trouble is, my daily college classes just got over and the exams are still a month away. So the only work I seem to be doing these days, is trying to catch up with my never ending To Read list.

So when I sat down to write this blog post, my thoughts kept bouncing back and forth between the story that I had read and the concept of Empathy. And as far as I can tell, those two have a lot to do with each other.

Reading a book is like going down the Rabbit hole to Wonderland. It takes you places you never thought you could go to. It puts you in situations that you might never get to face in real time. It leads to all sorts of wonderful chemical reactions in your head. Especially if you're reading fiction, it leads you to meet characters sometimes as complex as the people we meet in life. 

When we read about these characters, we understand things from their point of view. For a little while you forget yourself and immerse yourself in another one's reality. We step into their shoes and view the world through their glasses and that is all needed for Empathy to take root. 

Some studies conducted recently well document this quite well. Reading is directly related to emotional intelligence of which Empathy forms a major part. I read about two such studies here and here.

Which brings me effectively to my point. Empathy, as well as many other Psychological phenomena, are often stereotyped as not being actionable. When in reality, something as common as reading can help in developing Empathy, which in turn leads to Peace.

Which is why, I have listed Empathy as the very first of the key drivers of peace. It starts with oneself. Then, when another person is introduced to this mix, you get a  'self' and an 'other' and Mutual Respect will evolve from mutual empathy. When a gender difference is calculated in, only mutually empathetic and respectful individuals can find themselves as equals. With religion tolerance and international cooperation, this circle of peace widens. I have imagined it to look something like this.

I am a psychology student. In non technical terms, as future Counselors, our work will involve helping people achieve intrapersonal and interpersonal peace and growth. To be able to do this successfully, counselors build what is known as a therapeutic alliance with subjects. This is the creation of a judgment free zone where the subject and the counselor work to alleviate specific problems. This in turn required the Counselor to demonstrate three important qualities towards the subject. They are Empathy, Authenticity and Positive Regard for each other. Then and only then can the process of peace building be started.

Breaking Stereotypes: Part I (WHY)

Why Are There Stereotypes? 

"There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who believe that there are only two kinds of people. And those who don't stereotype."~ Unknown. 

                 All of us, consciously or subconsciously, are guilty of having stereotyped people around us at some point of our lives. Is it because of the society we grow up in? Or a more animal-istic need to classify everything we see around us. History is proof that being different is never taken as a good thing by the majority of the population and it creates a kind of herd mentality, which forces the 'different' to change themselves against their nature to fit in. 

In my opinion, the first step towards stopping stereotypes, is to understand the root cause behind it. Media and society are the means of its propagation, but not always the source. It is something intrinsic. It is the human need to feel part of a group. And whenever we form groups we draw an imaginary line. A line between the "us" and the "them". "We" classify "them". Mentally reason out why "We" are superior. Why they are unlike us and are to be treated like outcasts. "We" might not outright hate them. "We" simply dont like them cause they are different. It is human tendency to hate/fear what we dont understand. Slowly the imaginary line spreads. Inside our groups to divide "We" into "me" and "others." If we look carefully, half of what we say, think or imagine is influenced by some form of stereotypes or unfounded beliefs. Even something as simple as saying, "the grass is always greener on the other side....". 

The major issue is, in my belief, something which might sound extremely ridiculous. It is our habit of holding back our imaginations. What it means is that where we look, whatever we see, we merely see the narrow version of it. We edit out what we don't want to see or know. In psychology this is called selective perception. We look at everything from our point of view. Anything which doesnt fit our view is dealt with hostility. We think that there can only be two sides of a coin. The "us" and the "them". What we never realise is that maybe, there are more then two or three sides. That there are millions of sides. We are all individual 'sub species'. Different stories, different tastes, different versions. This is what we should be doing. Instead of telling kids that we are all humans and we are all the same, it is time we tell them that, yes we are all humans; but we are all DIFFERENT.! And they can choose to be anyone they want to be without being afraid of being different. Its not just us and them. We are all unique.

 The moment someone gasps this logic that humans are not merely a homogeneous species but every single individual is a sub-species, in a sense of speaking, with our own characteristics and choices. Maybe then we will realise that we cannot and should not use one lens to view everyone. And then we will stop judging people simply because of how they look, talk where they come from or what they believe in etc, and then, maybe we can finally have complete acceptance of each others existence and peace.

At the end of the day, we were all born different. Till society convinced us that we need to fit in. 

Empathy as a driving force for peace and conflict resolution

I begin to write this on a rather hopeless note despite being part of conversations that are so full of hope and optimism. Everyday, now since I have moved to Ahmedabad (a city in the western part of India), I have been driven to thinking how empathy is a lost cause for our country. As I drive back home from my workplace everyday, the rush of traffic that I witness has led me to this view. The streets in my country are not empathetic. People are outdoing each other on the roads everyday, there is a general hurry to reach to one's destination. In the process, I have realized that people (and I do not exclude myself) have become resistant to inculcating empathy within themselves. Most of the conflicts on the 'road', which is a public space are witnessed due to a lack of empathy. We are not sensitive to the fact that the way we drive may cause harm to others, may cost them their life and may result into chaos in the way people move. The idea is to be the first one, find space and not think of the 'other'. In discussions with my father, on the lack of empathy in the public space, I have come to the conclusion that most of the times we think only about ourselves. In a conflict zone too, parties think about their own gains, losses, strategies, moves and tactics. Since a conflict emanates from differences in goals, attitudes and perceptions, thinking about the 'other' is obviously absent.

When Kirthi threw up words like empathy, mutual respect, religious tolerance, co-existence and international equality in the discussion last week, I faced a tough time ranking these in an order of priority primarily because I could not figure out how these values which are so much shared in their very nature and characteristic, be disconnected from each other. More importantly, how is it possible to attain peace while emphasizing on one value and underscoring the other. Yet, I ended up placing empathy on the top of the ladder. There were several reasons for this. One, I thought and believe that empathy can serve as a basis for remaining values to be achieved in the process of resolving conflict. An attitude and position of empathy can lead to mutual respect, religious tolerance, harmonious coexistence and international equality. It is as if all of the other values are offshoots of empathy. An empathetic understanding in conflict can lessen differences, make more room for conversation, spring up never thought of solutions and help us to look at positions beyond our own narrow and restrictive lens.

Googling on empathy, I learnt it means 'understanding and sharing' feelings of others. To add to this, empathy also means care, placing yourself into the shoes of the 'other', imagining how it would be to look at and experience the world from his/her position, learning about and recognizing the sufferings and loss of others and moving beyond a very self-centered attitude to life. To me, what creates conflict is not a perceived sense of difference in aims and aspirations, but also a lack of empathy. This happens not only at the macro level, but in a day to day life situation as well. For examples, lets take a look at conflicts in personal spaces like family and friends. There emerge feelings like:

"Why should I always be the one to understand, compromise and give up my claims."

"She doesn't seem to care, understand and adjust."

"He only thinks of himself, not realizing how much he is hurting others in the process."

Each one of us tend to experience such feelings whereby it is ingrained that the 'other' is not sensitive to our needs. In cultivating and absorbing an empathetic demeanour, we only create more and more space for positivity, accommodation and solutions. In my view, empathy can be a driver of peace because:

• Empathy as a trait serves to be the basis of positive attitudes and actions in human beings
• Empathy can lead to several other desired values that foster peace
• Empathy can bring us to a position of dialogue
• Empathy can help us look at conflict in ways we never thought of previously
• Empathy can create safer spaces for people with differences to come to common ground
• Empathy displaces you from both the position of privilege and victimhood
• Empathy helps us to 'know' - knowing is important because conflicts often aggravate owing to ignorance of what it is to be like on that side of the fence
• A position of empathy can make you a good listener - must to resolve conflicts
• Empathy empowers you to better understand your own realities 

As an example, of how I believe 'empathy' is significant to my work in peace building and conflict resolution between India and Pakistan, it is empathy which has enabled me to undertake conversations with Pakistanis, previously impossible in a hostile atmosphere. It is because of empathy that I am able to continue these conversations despite healthy differences in opinion. I empathize with the fact that my Pakistani friends are struggling against political violence and terrorism in their country and it is insensitive of me to bracket them as people who believe in and perpetrate violence. It is because of empathy that I am able to appreciate the amazing work that they do to counter violence and help the underprivileged in their country. Empathy has exposed me to a Pakistan that was unknown to me beforehand. Today, I feel, they are no different, in fact, we are on the same page when dealing with hostile attitudes and politics that breathes on extremism and hatred. How, in any case, would I feel one with them if not from a position of empathy? Empathy is the solid ground on which I have built long lasting friendships with my friends from across the border. I do not pity or sympathize with them, neither do they. We don't see each other as victims. We see each other as partners in building a more peaceful world. Empathy empowers us, on both sides, to deal with differences and still be the best of buddies. It is this empathy that makes us talk for hours together, where, at times, listening to the 'other' becomes more important that one's speaking itself.

It is for empathy that I understand how painful Peshawar 2014 was to them and it is for empathy that they can read the pain in my voice when I talk of Mumbai 2008. Empathy is what dissolves and renders redundant those compulsions of having to prove our Indianness and Pakistaniyat! Empathy is what has made me fall in love with Pakistani TV dramas and them to go crazy over Bollywood. If not for empathy, we'd still be where we were - isolated, disconnected, aloof, ignorant and still fighting. And though I started out quite gloomy, I end here with hope!

Learning to look closely

We are no strangers to the word stereotype. In fact, some of us might indeed be surprised to learn that we subscribe to stereotypes about the concept of stereotypes itself. 

I certainly was!

In an attempt to understand stereotypes, prejudices and how they pose a threat to peace, the Team Hope of the Red Elephant Foundation : Building Peace Project has been having a dynamic Global Conversation with participants from all walks of life sharing their thoughts, opinions and experiences on gender, religion, nationalities etc.

  

Ever heard the phrase, ‘Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars?’ Or seen these symbols? Guess what? Yes that’s right, classic examples of gender stereotypes.

I've been noticing stereotypical images like these and more everywhere, especially since the illuminating discussion we had. The purpose varies from source to source but the end result is the same, a simplified and standardized conception or image invested with special meaning held in common by the members of a group. 

This led me to the realization that as viewers/consumers we tend to accept a lot of information secondhand.

So many of our stereotypes emerge from hearsay, books, movies and jokes. In fact, they are so common that you could pick one prompt out of three and it is likely to be a play on stereotypes.

The media is a big culprit in this scenario. The profit making outlook that governs so many information disseminating institutions is no doubt responsible for the skewed and populist representations in their content. Add to that various other factors like policies and pressure groups and you get a vicious circle.  

One way to break through, which I learned as a consequence of this conversation, was to examine the information presented to us closely. I had long held the misconception that 'Jihad' in the Islamic religion is akin to a 'holy war'. Indeed it is not true. Jihad has nothing whatsoever to do with violence. It is in fact a term used to describe the process of self improvement that followers of Islam engage in, as individuals and as a community. 

Also, I learned that also stereotype individuals, cultures and communities based on personal experience. While it is difficult to come to a general solution for such instances, I'd like to go back to the old school time adage, 'Look before you leap.' 

We are all human and in this together! A little sensitivity, empathy and mindfulness as individuals before we arrive to a certain unshakable conclusion goes a long way in dissipating stereotypes and ultimately harboring peace. And I for one am looking forward to realizing what I've just written as a member of Team Hope!  

Discussing Stereotype: The West, still a Colonialist?

    I wonder whether people from Asia, Africa, America and others, particularly whose country had ever been colonized by the so-called West, still think or stereotype the West as a colonialist. Whereas the fact that many western countries colonized formally many parts of the world in the past, it is debatable to say the same thing for the current context. I myself, in which my country, Indonesia had been occupied by the Dutch for hundred years, still have, let's say, 10% of that idea. My fellow countrypeople, generally hold the idea too, despite of various degrees of conviction. Other people from the “ex-colonized” land, I met and observe, have more or less same impressions. Yet, I argue that the thought or stereotype should be realized fully that it has many weaknesses. Thus, I just leave 10% for it at most, while more than 90% does not favour on it. I come up with several reasons to support my stand.

    First, can all negative traits be associated to the colonialist West? And no positive ones? The negative characteristics are usually linked up to the “colonialist” ? Manipulative, exploitative, selfish, greedy, arrogant, are few to mention. However, almost none or even no positive characteristics can be computer given to the colonialists. This position generally shows very clear, typical black and white situation. The colonizer with all negative traits, and the colonized with all positive ones. I am not really sure whether this is the case.

    Second, who is the West actually? Are they those countries geographically located in the West sphere of the earth? Are they the countries of Europe and North America? Do they include all people and elements of those countries, from the authorities, the civil societies and the lay people? And, should we refer ourselves as the East? While historically there was a claim to divide the world with the West and “others,” I doubt that this division is still completely valid nowadays. Some people have come up with new limitations, such as the First and Third World, the Developed and Developing, the Global North and Global South and so one. It is true, that each entitlement has its own context and usage, as the term of “the West (and the East)” used. Yet, the term “the West” has much lost its significance and relevancy today.

    Third, what is the use of it? I find that many usages of “the West” is more in the political context. Even, many are trapped in the (political) jargon or cliché only. To certain extent, they are understandable and possibly useful. However, the less acceptable thing is that they are used to undermine and attack a more universally accepted ideas, like human rights and democracy. Besides, the jargon is uttered for bringing up (negative) sentiments, that are manipulative and exploitative as the characteristics of colonialist mentioned before. This definitely does not produce an ideal solution.

    That there had been colonialism done by many Western countries in the past is a undeniable historical fact. That there has been colonialism done by some Western stakeholders in various forms until now is also another fact. Yet, I believe we should be careful to put the West as a colonialist in the current context. The tendency to simplify situation to black and white opposition, to ambiguously define the term and to employ the term as a political cliché, should be avoided. Otherwise, we just merely shallow stereotype, like what we may do to other certain groups. Thus, it is much better to critically engage and constructively find the most suitable solution based on the specific context we have.

Stereotypes and Reality

Conversations are important 

The previous week I had an amazing start to a project called 'Global Conversations' by The Red Elephant Foundation. Since, I was a participant of The Building Peace Project (2014-15) from the previous year, I was all the more looking forward to this expansive reach of a new project going global. The world is indeed a 'global village' and this project proves this fact. How otherwise was it possible for me to interact with people from Indonesia, Kenya, Rwanda, Fiji, Philippines and Pakistan ... and so many other nations about whom I only possess limited information. This project is a meeting ground for people from different cultures to get to talk and know about different cultures, different lives. I am certain that it is going to be an even more exciting experience for me, in the same fashion as The Building Peace Project was. I love the fact that despite many clashes, confrontations, challenges and troubles that we face everyday as inhabitants of nation-states, we have been able to in a limited manner, overcome those and come together on a common platform for dialogue.

The first session began with a round of introductions and I felt blessed to be part of such a diverse group. Quite appropriately, this session was devoted to a discussion on 'stereotypes'. Thinking of the term, we are so used ton creating and furthering stereotypes in our lives about the 'others' that we do not know and have never met, that images about how they are ... are deeply imprinted into our minds and hearts. This propels us to label them in ways more than one. It stunts our capacities to know and interact with 'real' people who are so different from what we think of them. I admit that this process of building and propagating stereotypes is so imbibed within us from childhood and is such an integral part of the socialization process, that we hardly realize the diversity and cultural richness that exists around us, yet we are ignorant to miss relishing it. Over the previous year, as I participated in the BPP project, I broke for myself many a stereotypes that were self-created. This was the first time I was involved in an year long interaction with a Pakistani (my supposed enemy). I held this deep conviction that though we would be talking, it was difficult to forge a long-sustaining, inexplicable bond that would go beyond the realm of formal interactions in the project. Today, when I talk to Salma, Sehr, Uzair, Sheharyar and many other friends from Pakistan, I fail to comprehend my relationship with them. I find it difficult to put it into mere words. The fact that my Pakistani friends are now so close to me, almost like my real brothers and sisters, was something that I wasn't prepared for. That this happened to me broke a stereotype that I had created for myself - that these cross-border friendships would fizzle out soon once the project has culminated. Today, I talk more with my cross-border friends than I do with my friends in my own country.

Where do these stereotypes originate from? To me, the answer is reality and lived experiences. It is easy to dismiss stereotypes as stemming from one's own bias and prejudice. But, the fact is that stereotypes are very much rooted in realities that we experience everyday. So, if I see a particular person/community engaged in violence in my city and if this is repetitive, I am bound to associate 'violence' as a characteristic with that community. However, in creating this stereotype I am being unfair to those 'others' who are peaceful and who despise the violent acts of their fellow community members. As is said, stereotypes flourish because they are easy to form, uncomplicated and make it simpler to identify people, groups and communities with certain traits. What is complex is trying to understand that each person is different and associating people with stereotypes may rob us of the chance to learn about cultural diversity and lend us incapable of appreciating the pluralism that exists and makes our society worth living. Hence, all we need is to stop being 'judgemental' about people and learn to accept that even if stereotypes are formed owing to real experiences, we should also be willing to look beyond this reality. We also need to take efforts to address situations that in effect only entrench stereotypes rather than dispelling them.

We need to talk, meet, open up and explore many different possibilities so that both the reality and stereotypes that emanate from it can be countered if not completely removed. I was talking, the other day, to a Bihari colleague of mine and thought it would be good to share with him the kind of stereotypes associated with his community. The statement that rushed out from my mouth was ... "You know it is said Biharis are like this .... "
A few minutes of talking with him and I realized I was wrong in presuming things. Talking, opening up with your doubts, questions, answers can make a lot of difference when it comes to stereotypes. Within a few minutes of interaction, I was thinking of something completely different than what I had been conditioned to think and believe. That is why 'conversations' are a must. That is why I am here in 'Global Conversations'. While stereotypes may never be out of currency as long as the human race exists, at least the talking can go on!!! HOPING FOR MORE AND MORE TALKS :)